Gently she goes. A story of letting in love.
January 5, 2023 5 min 10 sec read/listen
A few weeks ago, a client of mine, whom I coach one on one, came into our weekly Zoom call. It was our 11th week, I believe, and there was something about her - a calmness, a quiet and grounded energy that I had not seen at the beginning of our calls previously.
“How are you?” I asked. A question I love and I ask it with intention. I truly want to hear the answer. I suppose that comes from seeing and experiencing people asking the question, but not really listening or just giving a quick, “good” response. Do you ever notice that? Like, I would wonder, do they really want to know how I am?
Maybe they or we are just being polite, greeting others as you might, passing them down the hall or walking into an elevator: “Hi, how are ya?”
But then there is a shift in the person. Like a kind of moving on. “Hi, how are ya?” “Good, you?” “Good.”
So over time, I just decided that if I was going to ask the question, I would listen. And I know that comes from a deep desire to be seen and to see others. I mean, when I was a little girl, I would sing to the tulips my father planted in the front garden. I would sing and talk to every single one of them bending down and making sure that they knew I was seeing them.
Okay, back to my client. And before I go on, let me assure you, I have permission to share her story.
“How are you?” I asked her. She put her hands on her chest over her heart area, as I so often do with clients. We do it together and I do it in my own life multiple times a day. It's such a beautiful gesture, your own hands to your own heart area. It's like saying, “Hi, I see you. I'm here. I'm listening.” I sat and watched, waiting for her to answer.
“Jenn,” she said, with such a grounded tone to her voice, she leaned in and smiling she quietly said, “I have never experienced this kind of gentleness and love with myself like I have lately, with our work ever, not ever in my life.”
What do you say to that? What do you do other than put your own hands to your own heart and feel this significant breakthrough and her tenderness and vulnerability in sharing it?
You see, she came to me exhausted, unhappy with her relationship with herself - or lack of. She had a really strong habit of thinking and speaking quite harshly towards herself. I mean, who can relate to that? I sure can. I did it for decades. Her thoughts and her words toward herself were harming her. Wearing her down in her body, in her mind, in her heart.
And it was her habit. It wasn't who she was in her essence, her truest self, her spirit. It was just the trap of thinking and behaving that so many of us get caught in because we learned it. And this isn't about blaming anyone. It's about understanding. Understanding ourselves, the ways that we're thinking and behaving, especially how we think and how we act towards ourselves.
It was modelled, passed down through generations from teachers and school systems. It landed in us from traumas and events and on and on. These powerful habits of thinking and often very negative and limiting self-harming ways. Thankfully, that's not the only option for living with ourselves and each other.
Well, she wanted change. She wanted to see if there really was another way. And from day one, she showed up with such courage and vulnerability. She wanted it so badly. She wanted to like herself and to feel more confident in herself, to have agency over her own choices, to use her voice to stop the tap dancing for others and the tiptoeing around looking for acceptance and approval outside of herself. This woman is in her mid-fifties.
She is brave. She is willing. Yes, I was a guide for her. But she did the work. She opened to everything I offered her, carved out space in her days to do the heart work (I call it heart work, not homework, because nobody likes homework) and then she began to see evidence within herself of the shifts that were happening.
“I have never experienced this kind of gentleness and love with myself ever in my life,” she said.
She later told me, “I didn't know how or that I could or that it was even possible.” But now she knew it was. Now she had a taste and she wanted more. Call me a dreamer or an optimist, but I do believe - and I have discovered and experienced this personally on my own healing journey - that if we can be willing to live in the practice of thinking and being more kind, more compassionate, more understanding towards ourselves first, we will have an entirely new relationship with ourselves and with each other. And in that we will heal.
I believe that with my whole being and to witness it happening in others, well, that's worth the time and the effort and the blind faith it takes to meet ourselves with love.
I'm Jenn. I'm a professional actor, writer and a self-love coach. I help people discover how truly accessible and powerful loving ourselves is for our life and for the lives we share with others.
If you want to talk to me about my coaching, just reach out. I'm here. And a reminder. I've also been there.
Jenn
Photography by Jonas Vincent
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