When will I ever get THERE?
December 15, 2022 4 min read/listen
“I'm working on it,” my client said to me. She and I had been working on her relationship with herself, untucking parts of herself she'd been lost from for so long. And that included the practice of self-acceptance and love, which happens to be a passion of mine. “Honestly, I just don't know that I will ever get there,” she said.
Hold on, hold on. Let's back up a bit. This loving and embracing ourselves path, should you choose that path - or journey, or practice, whatever you want to call it - is not about getting there. It's about choosing to be loving toward ourselves, in our thoughts, in our words, our actions, in this moment now, and then the next moment, and then the next as best we can.
There is a narrative in our culture that is heavy on destination, and if I may say impatiently so. “Get there, get that, get the things. Are you still working on that? Aren't you done yet?” When we look at the idea of loving ourselves as a destination, we deny ourselves the depth and the beauty of what can be possible in the unfolding along the journey.
Destination over unfolding, expanding, evolving. I mean, you can feel the pressure in that word, the word destination. It can lead to overwhelm and the whole idea becomes just that, an idea versus a heart led path. And that can feel insurmountable. “Love myself? How will I ever? I've tried for so many years, but I just can't get there.”
I propose a softer approach, a completely different narrative that it be less about working on ourselves and more about gently embracing who we truly are. Moment by moment, building on those moments until yes, it becomes our way of being. And who we truly are is… who? Well, for one, it's going to be found underneath the limiting negative beliefs we carry around our worthiness and our “enough-ness”. That is not the truth of who we are. Those are concepts that we've learned.
The truth of who you are is found in the gentleness. It's found in the compassion and the loving and the embracing. And in the embracing we come to accept and understand all the parts of ourselves, the whole being, not just pieces of ourselves. We're so much more than one dimensional. We are shadows and light and joy and pain, ever contracting and expanding, ever unfolding.
Choosing a more loving energy toward yourself can look like getting out of bed. It can look like taking a day of rest or choosing more kindness in your words towards yourself. This is a path of courage, and it's not necessarily an easy path. We are typically not raised in a society that encourages us to love and embrace ourselves, and yet this is what is needed for wholehearted whole-being living.
This is what's needed to save our own hearts. It's what's needed for resilience and connection and belonging.
Maybe today there is one small thing you can choose for yourself that feels like a moment of love for you. Notice I said “choose”. And if it helps to know, I'm right here alongside you. Also choosing in this moment, and then the next, and the next - as best we can.
Because you know what I think? The more we live in this practice with ourselves, the more we are available to each other and the more we heal the world and our ancestors. Now, that might sound like a big dream to you, but I'm okay with big dreams.
I’m Jenn. I'm a professional actor and a coach. I help people discover how truly accessible and powerful loving ourselves is for our life.
This has been my journey and I'm happy to support yours. If you want to talk to me about my coaching or any of my offers, just reach out.
Jenn
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